The Ruins (Spoilers)

!!This review contains spoilers!!

Went to see The Ruins last night.... Nice. Before going to the movie, someone told me it was terrible, so naturally I got excited. Bear in mind that I like bad movies, cause I really liked this one.

I mean really, who doesn't like screaming plants, Mayans, and pretty girls cutting themselves. I gave this one a 3 on gore, however, had the gore they included pervaded more of the movie, I would have given it a better score cause it was awesome, only very brief. Two visions that won't leave my mind anytime soon: 1) The dude who just got his legs broken, and watching the bones get pulled out of the ragged muscles left over; and 2) Laura Ramsey cutting into her thigh, and then digging into it with her fingers.... Awesome.

What wasn't awesome, but very B-Movie-ish, the most annoying grrl (who, by the way never wanted to be there in the first place) is the only one that lives. Granted, that grrl was Jena Malone who is all over hollywood right now, but still.

Watching these types of situations - you know - where people are faced with imminent death if they don't problem solve pronto, always makes me think of what I would have done in their place. So here it is: 1) I would definately tried to electrocute the plant with the crank generator. I mean come on, there was no chance they could have burned down the temple with the minimal wood available. 2) Had all attempts failed to escape, I so would have start chucking pieces of vine all over the villagers and jungle. Those fools should really build like a fence or something. If I'm going to die, I'm going to take down as much of civilization as I can! Muah ha ha ha


Plot- 3
Directing- 2
Acting- 3
Cinematography- 1 cheap photoshop
Gore- 3

Intermission

So I thought I'd explain my brief hiatus from blogging in case there is even one person out there who is interested....*cough*

Well to tell you the truth, it really just hasn't been a priority. I've mostly been worried about, and trying to plan for the up coming economic depression. Granted, a large part of that plan involves going to Graduate school in San Francisco and adding to my debt.... =/ not smart I know. However I'm hoping it will open some opportunities to get the fuck out of this country post graduation...

Other then that I have been catching up on hella T.V., which, while it has a place in this blog, I feel less inclined to write about for some reason. Got to catch up on Planet Earth: awesome, Gankutsuo: awesome as well, Doctor Who: amazing, and I read all of the Hellsing Manga in like two days. That comic book is just mind blowing, captivating, and in general bad ass.

Some Japanese TV I cannot stop watching (I'm so addicted in fact I watch the raw versions as they come out even though I have a first grader's understanding of the Japanese language): Bleach, Naruto: Shippuuden, xxx-Holic, Soul Eater (brand new and amazingly drawn), and of course the Hellsing: Ultimate OVA's. I also read all the manga associated with said shows O_o

I'm out buddy, and I'm not your friend guy.

PS. I hope you saved your gold already... It looks like it will close today at $945 per ounce, but it peaked over $1K a month ago!!

Juno

So it has been almost two months since I've posted.... =/ I have been watching, maybe too much.

So I finally saw Juno last night. Took me long enough. Goddess, Ellen Page is so fucking awesome! (Happy 21st by the way as of Feb Ellen) Why is everything that is good in america Canadian? oh yeah, cause they are cooler than us, and not just climate related coolness. I'm not quite used to the long hair, but after I go see Smart People, I might change my tune.

Anyway, Jason Reitman directed this. He has started to make a name for himself with such films as Thank You For Smoking and In God We Trust, not to mention directing the first episode of the american version of The Office. I have one beef concerning Juno however: That is the runners at the close curtain of the film. If this was only a visual element meant to tie in the theme of the runners throughout the movie, then shame on you Jason. By having Bleeker not running, he is implying that he quit the team. Dong-Ma? However he just set a personal record for the 800 meter like a few scenes before the end. Are we to understand that he quit to start a music career with Juno? [remove tongue from cheek]

Speaking of Bleeker, Micheal Cera is fucking awesome as well. For those of you unfamiliar with his work, go to you local video store and rent Arrested Development right now!

The music was great, mostly the Moldy Peaches.... who disappeared a while back...


Plot- 4
Directing- 4
Acting- 5
Cinematography- 4
Gore- N/A

Holy Mountain

Wow...


The Holy Mountain is a mind trip to say the least. Alejandro Jodorowsky stared in, wrote and directed this masterpiece of a visual journey into the mind of a mad artist. The story follows the life of a pseudo-christlike figure, moving through some unbelievable experiences. When I was telling my buddy sEvenMeaD about it, he said it sounds like we just sat through 9 different movies.... Awesome!


Plot- ? I don't know if there was one, I'll watch again and let you know
Directing- 4
Acting- 4
Cinematography- 5
Gore-2, lotsa people die, and things come flying from their guts.... sometimes.

Soylent Green

OMG! Why did I wait this long to see this movie? Soylent Green is a 1973 masterpiece of cinema. Well, maybe not masterpiece, but up there hanging in a museum for sure. Charlton Heston plays a future cop in NYC, population 4,000,000. He's got some classic lines in this one too, along the same lines/delivery we're accustomed to hearing.

I won't ruin it if for some strange reason you've never heard of soylent green, even though due to this movie, the term has become a house hold phrase. Anyway, go see it. And see Once if you haven't yet...

Plot- 2
Directing- 3
Acting- 3
Cinematography- 2
Gore-0

Once

Once is probably going to be the greatest music movie of this decade, maybe even more so. I highly recommend you seeing it. If you live near me, or know I'm going to be visiting you soon, lets watch it together =D

The story follows a dude during a brief moment in his life and his musical career. A rather exciting moment as you will see. Its a little sappy, but not overtly so.

This one's low on the radar, having been out for two years already. The soundtrack is on my wish list.


Plot- 3
Directing- 4
Acting- 4
Cinematography- 3
Gore-0


[update]
So I found this super cool clip from probably the most powerful moments in the film...

Cloverfield

Saw Cloverfield this weekend. Yep...

So I would like to know if Hollywood ever plans on making regular movies were people bleed realistically. Seriously, Odette Yustman took a rebar from her mid-back, through her upper left shoulder. I'm pretty sure the tangled mess of veins coming out of the heart would have had a problem with that. But alas, pretty grrl makes it to the end...

Okay, so this movie was cool. It gave me the worst headache ever, even making me useless for the rest of the day. Also I was left with more questions at the end then I generally like to have (ie. what the fuck just happened, what happens next, etc...).

I do want to know what camera that dude had, cuz the battery power on that was uber badass.


Plot- 2
Directing- 2
Acting- 3
Cinematography- 1 (shaky cam doesn't count as cinematography)
Gore-2

Vegas in Space

OMG, this is like my favorite movie now. Vegas in Space chronicles the exploits of three asstronauts [sic] on an expedition to Clitoris, the main planet in the Girlina system, the planet's capital: Vegas in Space. Unfortunately men are not allowed to set foot on Clitoris, even in the most dire emergencies. Therefore our guys have to take gender reversal pills in order to become ultra-fabulous women. Beauty pills, intrigue, shopping and mysterious plots abound in this high definition camp classic.

ps. If you don't know of Troma team, well I'm sorry. You should check out more of their films including The Toxic Avenger, Tromeo and Juliet, Rabid Grannies, and of course Sergeant Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. - he's got heat-seeking chopstick powers for cryin' out loud!

Plot- 4
Directing- 3
Acting- 4
Cinematography- 4
Gore-0

AVP R

Wicked. Okay, so the onion, the only trusted source for things funny, and a/v oriented, gave this flick a terrible review (F). WTF? It wasn't that bad. Okay so whether or not it is good is debatable, but F?

So besides way too much human on human dialogue, I couldn't have been happier. There were some plot holes, and odd character development, but there was some good scenes. Like when grrl gets it with a disc from uberpredator... that was so fucking awesome. You could just look on that kids face and see the terror as the hottest grrl he ever had a chance with is hanging from a wall, dripping blood everywhere looking way fucked..... Also babies dieing is good for everyone to experience from time to time... Don't argue, it is.

Plot- 2
Directing- 2
Acting- 3
Cinematography- 3
Gore-4, mainly for the pregnant lady busting open to a swarm of alien babies....awesome

whoa... holiday overload

As with most family holidaze, I watched a lot of flicks. I love my family, they usually have some fun stuff that I missed. Are you ready, here comes the Super th-Inker Films Movie Spectacular!!!


Grandma's Boy-

I play videos games. I like Linda Cardellini. I like this movie. I don't apoligize to anyone.

Plot- 3
Directing- 2
Acting- 3
Cinematography- 1 (for the first scene they introduce the video game firm...beautiful)
Gore-0



Balls of Fury -

Uh... funny in parts...next

Plot- 1
Directing- 1
Acting- 2
Cinematography-0
Gore- 0


Rush Hour 3 -

Average action movie right, they're after the bad guy who turns out to be a hot tattoed french grrl, and then the movie ends. It didn't feel right.

Plot- 1
Directing- 2
Acting- 2
Cinematography-0
Gore- 0

The Invisible – (Contains Spoilers)

Wow, never have a seen such a good idea gone to some much waste. I’m almost driven to compel myself down a journey to raise the money and remake this terrible movie…

Well that’s not nice, it was a perfectly average middle american movie, but my first point still stands. This was a great idea for a flick, which even had a director who knew what decent cinematography is supposed to look like. Justin Chatwin did pretty well for the drivel that was written for him, and oh my god how hot was Margarita Levieva? The thing that really did me in was the terrible sound track. In fact I might have been seduced past the plot holes and seemly motivationless character development had it not been for such a torturous soundtrack. I don’t have anything against the artist or anything, just bad placement ended up spoiling most of the songs. (for example: when annie’s thugs role up listening to some lame ass metal…)

And once I’m faced with a movie that tries to answer the question of whether or not they can sell a plot point as the entire plot to a movie (in this case, once again a man trying to solve the reasons behind his death before time runs out…). The answer is still: no.

Plot- ?
Directing- 2
Acting- 3
Cinematography- 2
Gore- 0

Skin Walkers –

Did you hear this is already out on video? Damn, cause this is one of those movies that probably would have been better in the theatre. Much to my delight, and detraction from the movie, I heard the true story behind skin walkers moments before we hit play. The story goes something like this (not the film version): From the Navajo word Yeenaaldlooshii , an evil shaman/witch doctor. Whichever words you use, it is the white american’s version of the boogey man. I’m not here to argue which came first, the myth, or the practice, but it is believed that the skin walker take the skin of an animal to take its power. Seen most notably for travel purposes and to scare other reservation folk out of their cattle etc…

I hoped after hearing this that the movie would not try to allude to this particular legend, cause I knew it was only a stupid werewolf flick. And then they did, and then I got another mission, not to remake this film like the last one, but to make it that way it was supposed to be made, and then I found out they did in 2002, and I’m going now to add it to my netflix ……….

The movie itself was good, although not enough sex and/or gore. OMG how hot was Rhona Mitra again!!

Plot- 2
Directing- 2
Acting- 3
Cinematography- 2
Gore- 2

Captivity –

Nice looking movie, really nice. It looked real pretty. Like a film students wet dream / final project. It had all the good looking things a horror movie needs. All it needs is a decent story and it’s ready to go. The movie detailed a small discussion between gentlemen about being to predictable, and I instantly had a psychic connection to the directors/writer planning meeting. That movie was pretty, and was simple, usually enough for most, but was too predictable to be exciting.

Elisha Cuthbert was smokin’ ….

lot- 2
Directing- 3
Acting- 3
Cinematography- 3
Gore- 3 , this chick gets her face melted off…… awesome

I saw a bunch of other crap like "Employee of the Month", and "Underdog", and while yes I will admit both made me laugh, I don't really care to spend anymore of my life doing that sort of thing....